Taking off the training wheels
The other day we bought my daughter a brand new (used) “big girl” bike. She’s had a two wheeler before, but this new bike is different – it has no training wheels! While we probably will put training wheels on this bike as well since our daughter is barely 4 years old and not the most coordinated little girl on the planet, it got me thinking on the near future when I will have to train her to ride without training wheels. Its probably a right of passage for every parent, but one I was not expecting any time soon. I realized that I needed a strategy to make sure that she learned how to ride the bike with minimal scrapes and discouragements.
That got me thinking about youth ministry. In many ways, youth ministry is “Christianity with training wheels.” I am sure that some people may disagree with this assessment, but youth ministry is the place where students transition from (keeping with this bike analogy) their big-wheels (children’s ministry) to their big bikes (adult church). With a bike, you usually manage this transition with training wheels. In the church, we manage this transition with youth ministry.
With a bike, if you do not handle this transitional stage properly, the end result is a crash and burn. Maybe multiple times. If you let them off the wheels too early and they are not ready, then they will fall hard. If you wait too long then they never really learn how to ride the bike. My goal for my daughter is that she will no longer need the training wheels, but only when the time is right.
Youth ministry is a ministry of transitions. You are moving them from spiritual dependence – on a parent, Sunday school teacher, children’s minister, or preacher – to one of of spiritual independence where they are able to live their lives for Christ. We’ve probably all seen the following two examples –
1. Too early – The student who had too much spiritual responsibility put on them, by parents, teachers, or ministers. These were the “star students” who we held up as examples of Christian virtue at 13…and by 15 they were out of the church and no longer believed. Or maybe it was the student that demonstrated all sorts of maturity in elementary school, so no one thought they needed the help until everyone realized it was all an illusion and their lives came crashing down.
2. Too late – This is probably far more prevalent. The students that have all the fun and games in youth ministry, then they turn 18 and try to go to adult church only to find out it “bores them.” Or, the student who never had to think spiritually for themselves go to a public university and had every tenet of their faith challenged before they left orientation. Or just the student who thought that youth group thing was fun, but got bored with it because “is this all there is?”
The goal of youth ministry is to manage this transition. So how can we successfully manage this transition and ensure that we are “taking the training wheels off” at just the right time? Here are some things to consider –
Every Teen is Different
I learned riding my bike in a back yard in one afternoon. A friend of mine had training wheels on for a long long time. Ministry is the same way. Each teen will have different needs. I have one teen in my youth group who has never been to our weekly meetings or Sunday school, but they are probably the most spiritually mature teen in our church. We have another who has been nearly every week, but does not seem to have a clue. You try to cast a wide net to reach as many students as possible, but that often means its generic and impersonal. The fix for that – a wide variety of volunteers. Find as many volunteers, with as many different personalities, as you can. That way, you
Allow them to fail (safe)
Training wheels on a bike allows a child to learn how to peddle, steer, and throw water balloons on the move at her brother without fear of falling. It provides a comfort zone while they figure out the basics. Our ministry should be the same. They should be able to stretch their spiritual muscles and be allowed to fail in a safe way. The first time a student gets challenged in their faith shouldn’t be the day they step on a college campus, but they should continually be challenged in our ministries.
Let them know the goal
The goal is to be riding free, on a bike. The goal for our ministries is…what? Youth ministry is not the ultimate goal, it is merely a stepping stone. Hopefully your goal is something along the lines of creating disciples of Christ. Students should see that as the goal, and see how everything you’re doing (from the mission trip, to the lessons, to the fun and games) fits into that. That way they won’t be surprised when one day you let go of the handle bars and they’re flying solo.
Let Go
One day you’ll realize that they are ready to go. Let them go! That doesn’t mean kick them out of the youth ministry, but it does mean you need to have something in place that allows your students to fly. This might mean taking on leadership of some aspect of the ministry. It might mean finding a ministry in the church that they can take part in. It might mean finding ways outside the church where they can minister. When a student reaches this point, they need to go so they can continue to grow.
Follow Behind (just in case)
When my daughter finally masters riding a bike, I am still going to be right behind her cheering her on (and wincing every time she wobbles). My role will change. No longer will I be a stabilizer, but a riding partner and a boo boo bandager. The same goes with our teens. When you let them go, you’re not kicking them away you’re just graduating them to a new role with you. Now you are a friend and mentor and life-riding partner. When they hit a rough patch, you should be there to guide them through it, not carry them through it.
Youth Ministry is a ministry of transitions. If someone “stops” in youth ministry, they’re not done. We are hopefully creating followers of Christ that take ownership of their faith. How do you allow students to “Take off the training wheels” and do that?
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