Culture Corner – How students relate to one another

Teens have not changed much in the past 20 years. But, how teens relate to one another have gone through monumental changes that likely leaves many of us Generation X and Y youth ministers in total confusion. For example, when I graduated from High School (cough cough 13 years ago cough cough), the major ways of communication were, in no particular order (well, maybe how I personally communicated) were -

• Face-to-Face
• Phone
• Mail
• Chat/Instant Messenger
• Email/online bulletin boards
• Smoke signals/pony express/tin can with string

In the past decade, we have seen a revolution in how teens communicate. Now, teens generally communicate in the following ways -

• Texting
• Social Networking
• Phone
• Face-to-Face
• Chat (although much of that is now imbedded in social networking)

On the surface, it would appear that teen communication is at an all time high. 60% of teens 10-14 own cell phones, while 84% of teens 15-18 own one (C&R Research). The AVERAGE number of texts sent a month by teens is 3,146 (Nielsen). Teens spend over 9 hours a week on social networking sites (National School Boards Association). This survey took into account 9-17 year olds. I imagine that the hours rise as the students get older. Teens are required to spend 40 hours a week in the presence of their friends at school. You throw in extra-curricular activities, work, and just hang time and the number easily jumps to 50-60 hours a week around friends.
Unfortunately, our teens are increasingly isolated and lonely. While communication is at an all time high, relationships are at an all time low. Texting and phone conversations should not be substitutes for communications but often replace the face-to-face. I have seen numerous times teens 2 feet apart texting furiously but never once looking at each other or uttering a spoken word (of course, I did the same thing in college when I would communicate with my roommates, just across the room, via IM). Facebook and Myspace and email and instant messenger are great ways to connect, but students are again isolated behind a keyboard and screen and not interacting with their friends. The American Sociological Review did a study in 2006 (American Sociological Review) to see how people (not just teens) relate. They noted that in the previous 20 years, people’s discussion networks (those people they felt they could talk with about anything) has shrunk drastically. The average fell from 2.94 to 2.08. That means that most people only have two really close friends, and many have none at all. This doesn’t mean that the method of communication they use is bad. Each method is merely a tool that can be used to help if used in the proper way. You wouldn’t use a hammer to sew a button on your shirt. If a tool is used in the proper way it does a lot of good. Unfortunately, our teens are often using their communication tools to be their relationships, not to enhance them.

So where does that leave us? Teens are oftentimes lonely, isolated, and desperately seeking relationships. The relationships they do have are often shallow, superficial, and self-seeking.  What they need are real people who really care about them stepping into their lives to really relate to them. Can you be a person like that? 

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